*** This is a letter I wrote to David Cook a few minutes ago. I don't know if he will ever read it, but it is about his song "Permanent". The song "Permanent" is David talking to his brother Adam. Adam died of Brain Cancer 3 weeks ago. It's also about how that song affects me with my father dying from Cancer, 7 years ago when I was 19. I am not sure why, but I figured I would post it on here, to give my friends a better understanding of who I am.***

Dear David,

It's funny. I said "Im going to write a little note to David and try to express what "Permanent" means to me and about cancer in general." As soon as I finished writing, "Dear David" my fingers froze and I couldn't move them or clear my brain enough to figure how what to type or anything for over 10 minutes.

Like most people on the planet, I first heard of you on American Idol. It's not really my kind of show, but my mom always watches it. I was very happy when you won last year and I love your voice and music, but I didn't go out and get your album. No offense, but like I said, not really my kind of music. I'm more for Avenged Sevenfold and Lacuna Coil. So, since I didn't get your album I never heard the song "Permanent" until the other night on the season finale of American Idol. I didn't know the song but as soon as I heard it, I knew what contents of what it was about. I can't stop listening to it ever since. It has been a long time since I have been able to find a song the fit my memory and moods to a T.

Almost 7 years ago now at the age of 19, I lost my father to cancer. The name of it is long and complicated, but it means his entire bioduct system was infected with cancer. Chemo had no effect and it was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to live through in my life. It was probably the same for you in a way. All throughout my childhood and into adulthood, my father was my hero. He was invincible. Nothing could break him. So to hear one day after my dad had been sick for awhile and we didn't know what was wrong, to hear he had cancer didn't really mean anything to me. "Okay, he has cancer. People get cancer all the time. He will get some Chemo and be fine." But as I said, the Chemotherapy never worked. It only made him sicker and weaker. To watch my father slowly wither and become so fragile and weak in front of my eyes and be able to do nothing about it kills me to this very day. I am 26 now. It haunts me everyday....I actually had a dream the other night that he somehow beat the cancer and was still alive. It was the best dream and the worst dream I've ever had. It was the best because I saw my dad. It was the worst, because I woke up and it wasn't real.

"Permanent" explains me. "Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry" & "So I ask: oh, God is there some way for me to take his place?" I would do anything to take my father's place. ANYTHING in this world. If God did exist (I don't believe he does), but if he did, ANYTHING that God would asked of me, I would give. That exists to this day. My father was diagnosed in September of 2001. He died on June 19th 2002. I miss him dearly and I can understand how you feel about your brother and I wish I could make everyone who has ever had to deal with death from cancer's pain go away.

I didn't think I was able to cry anymore. I haven't shed a single tear since I cried for my father 7 years ago. Not once when I have had to bury 8 of my friends in the past 7 years due to car accidents, drug overdoses, etc. But when I heard your song "Permanent", I cried my eyes out like a little baby and that is something I thank you for. Your song expresses me to a T and I never thought I would find anything that could do that.

As a uplifting note, I am going to be going back to college for Nursing, so I can be like the nurses my father had. They were amazing and they genuinely cared so much for my father's well being. They loved him. That is something I want to be for others. For people like your brother and so many others out there in this world that are hurting. To be able to give them those moments of joy and love in a world of pain.

Thank You.

Sincerely,

Christopher M. McHenry

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